


Don't Do Anything Stupid While I'm Gone

by QueenOfTheKrispyKreme



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Comedy, Fake AH Crew, Funny, GTA, Multi, Other, never leave Ryan in charge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-13 04:43:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5695207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfTheKrispyKreme/pseuds/QueenOfTheKrispyKreme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You fucking shot the pizza guy in the foot!”</p><p>Geoff has to leave the crew for a few days to sort out some personal issues (aka clearing his wanted level). While in a rush and not really thinking straight, he leaves Ryan in charge of the crew until he returns.</p><p>[Secondary Story - On Temporary Hiatus]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ryan's In Charge?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff gets into trouble wth the law and Ryan becomes the new head of Fake AH. In less than an hour of being in charge, all hell breaks loose.

Geoff walked into the apartment with an angrier stride than usual. Jack looked up and immediately noticed it.

“Is everything alright?”

Geoff paced back and forth in the middle of the room for a bit before stopping.

“Okay, everyone listen up. I’m uh, in a dickload of trouble and I’m going to have to skip town for a few days. I’ll be back so don’t worry about that.”

“What kind of trouble?” Gavin asked.

“Most likely legal trouble..” Michael mumbled.

“ _Anyway_ , in my absence, I’m leaving Ryan in charge of the crew.”

“Say what?!” Everyone besides Ryan yelled in unison.

“What’s so bad about me being in charge? I think I’m a fantastic leader, what’s the worst that can happen?” Ryan paused. “Okay, actually don’t answer that question.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I think me being in charge is a much better option.” Jack said, rising from his seat.

The sounds of sirens and helicopters in the distance cut the conversation short.

“My decision is final, I don’t have time to argue with you fucks.” Geoff yelled as he quickly took a swig of whiskey and grabbed his keys. He headed for the door but suddenly turned around.

“Oh and don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.” The door slammed behind him and there was an audibly awkward silence amongst the members of the crew.

“We are so boned. There’s no way we will be able to survive one day with Ryan in charge.” Jeremy sighed.

“Hey, that’s not fair. You didn’t even give me a chance to prove myself.” Ryan sighed.

“He’s right, let’s just give him a shot. Let’s be honest, Geoff could’ve said Gavin after all.” Ray said as he nudged Gavin in the abdomen. Everyone agreed and left it at that.

“Okay, now that that’s been settled, let’s get some food and bevs going. I’m starving.” Gavin jumped out of his seat and began ordering pizzas.

“Isn’t it too early to be getting drunk?”

“There’s no such thing as "too early”, Ray. It’s either you’re bevved or you’re not bevved enough!“ Gavin said as he poured a shot.

Ray pulled a gun out of his pocket and shot the shot glass out of Gavin’s hands. "

Oh! Ray!”

“Be lucky that it wasn’t you.”

“Hey, no guns allowed!” Ryan said. “Not without me, of course.” He continued as he pulled a pistol out of his pocket.

“This is going to shit already and Geoff hasn’t even been gone for 5 minutes.” Michael said.

Ryan let off a single shot into the ceiling which caused a rather large piece of it to come crashing down on the coffee table, smashing it on impact. The room went silent. Ryan looked at his gun.

“Hm, that’s never happened before.” He shrugged before putting the gun back into its holster. “Let’s be cool. These 2 or 3 days are going to go by quickly, guaranteed. Before you know it, Geoff will be back and everything will go back to normal.”

“Can you really consider this group to be "normal” in the first place though? I mean, even with Geoff here, we’re still a bunch of fucking losers.“ Michael said.

"You’ve got a point there. You know what I mean though! Not normal but regular, I guess. Anyway, let’s remember that we still have a lot to accomplish even in Geoff’s absence. We still have to plan our next hit ups and whatnot.”

The doorbell rang and the room went silent once again.

“Well, is someone going to get the door?” Jack asked.

The room went silent once more. The doorbell rang again.

“Fine, I’ll get it.” Ryan walked up to the door and opened it.

“That’ll be 28 dolla-.” A gunshot stopped the voice short, followed by a pained scream.

“Oops.”

Footsteps ran up to the door.

“The pizzas!” Gavin yelled as he saw the boxes in disarray on the floor.

“Forget about the pizzas, help me get this guy in here.”

“What guy? Holy-, Ryan? You shot the pizza guy?” Gavin yelled, pointing at the unconscious delivery guy on the floor.

“I know this looks bad but I can explain later.”

With Gavin grabbing his legs and Ryan with his upper body, they carried the injured pizza delivery guy into the apartment and laid him on the couch. Gavin went back out to collect the fallen pizzas.

“Holy fuck, did you kill him?” Michael yelled.

“No, I shot him in the foot. Accidentally. Allegedly.” Ryan mumbled.

“Ugh, this was my favorite shirt. Now there’s stranger’s blood on it.”

“There’s no "allegedly”, Ryan. One minute this guy was standing up and the next, he’s on the floor. Also Gav, this isn't the time to be complaining about having a favorite shirt being ruined.“

"Shhhhh. This isn’t as bad as it looks.”

“You fucking shot the pizza guy in the foot! It’s very much as bad as it looks.”

“So much for proving yourself.” Ray said. “At least this pizza is good though.”


	2. The Planning Phase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dealing with the pizza man and finally getting the chance to eat, the crew is back up and running. It's time to plan what convenience stores and banks they plan on robbing next and who will be doing what. Seems easy enough, right?

"So why did you shoot the guy, exactly?"

Ryan rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Well, all I saw was a flash of red and reacted by punching him in the jaw. Then I gently wounded him. Come to find out, the flash of red was just his shirt as he walked up to the door." He ended with a nervous laugh.

"I wouldn't classify shooting him in the foot and potentially limiting his ability to walk as "gently wounded"." Michael said with a sigh.

"Details, details. Enough about this."

"Well, what are we supposed to do? He can't stay here."

The room erupted into a cacophony of sounds as each of them volunteered ways to deal with the delivery guy. After Ryan denied all of them, they finally agreed on carrying him downstairs and placing an anonymous call to 911 about an injured man. Gavin complained about his shirt the entire time before he was given a temporary new one. In the end, he still ended up complaining about the new shirt. After all complaints were handled and everyone was satisfied for the most part, Ryan called everyone to attention in the living room.

"Alright, now that that has been settled, we have work to do. So, let's begin." He turned around and pulled up the huge map of Los Santos.

"We've been under the radar for a considerable amount of time so I reckon it's time to get back into the swing of things. I don't want to start with something heavy so I say that we hit up the convenience stores, liquor stores and gas stations that are spread all over Los Santos first." 

He placed his finger on the top of the map and traced the perimeter of Los Santos. "We'll hit the ones around the outside of the city and work our way into the city, culminating in a bank robbery. For now, let's just focus on the smaller picture. We'll be breaking up into 2 teams, each having their respective positions." 

He turned back around to scan the room. 

"Jack, Lindsay, Jeremy, and Matt: you are Team One. Jack and Lindsay will be the robbers, Jeremy and Matt will be the getaway drivers and backup if needed. You'll be hitting the 24/7 Supermarket on Senora Freeway. Leaving Gavin, Michael, Ray and I as Team Two. Gavin and Michael are the robbers, Ray and I will be the getaway drivers and backup."

"How come you didn't say "if needed" for our team?" Gavin asked.

"Because backup _will_ be needed."

"Also, why didn't I get the chance to drive?"

"Because you're a shitty driver. Now shut the fuck up and let Ryan finish." Michael interjected.

"A-Anyway, we'll be hitting the 24/7 Supermarket in the Tataviam Mountains. Let's try to correlate the attacks at the same time. After robbing the stores, we'll discard our disguises and regroup at the pier."

"Seems easy enough to me." Ray said.

"We'll discuss more specifics later but for right now, let's divide and get the disguises ready."

With that, they split up into the teams. Team One immediately pulled off in Jack's armored car meanwhile Team Two couldn't even get into the garage. 

"I really wanted to drive, I can't believe you're not letting me drive." 

"I just don't trust you quite yet. If you don't mess this up, you can drive for the next hit."

"Weak. I don't see why you can't trust me, nothing against robbing but I just want to drive." 

Ryan stopped walking and turned around. "You're not driving and that's final."

"Just fucking shoot him, let it be the 3 of us." Ray finally said.

"Ray! I thought we were friends."

"You thought wrong."

"You don't mean that."

"Enough. We are wasting time arguing over this, let's just get in the car." 


	3. Shopping Montage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After unnecessarily arguing for approximately 20 minutes, Team Two finally manages to get out of the garage. Both teams re-converge at the clothing store to pick out their temporary outfits. A small shopping montage happens and Ryan finishes discussing the plans with everyone else. As usual, something goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter than I'd like it to be. I didn't want to cram too much unnecessary fodder into it by stalling for space so I just wrote what I felt was best. Next chapter will be considerably longer. :)  
> \- Kate

"We're not arguing, it's just a minor disagreement." Gavin muttered.

"Yeah, well, you're acting like a minor." Michael yelled.

"You're a minor!" Gavin yelled back.

Ryan sighed and turned to Ray. 

"On second thought, I am seriously considering shooting him." Ryan whispered.

"See? I told you."

Ryan cleared his throat. "Okay, okay. We are seriously wasting time though. Jack is probably already there by now. Can we at least rob the goddamn store first?"

The group sighed before piling into Michael's armored car. Finally, they exited the garage and began the journey to the clothing store. Ryan reached down and turned on the radio to eliminate some of the awkward silence. As the car stopped at a red light, [Dancing Queen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFrGuyw1V8s) comes on the radio and everyone looks at each other. It doesn't take long before all 4 of them are bopping their heads rhythmically to the music and singing the chorus. 

"You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen. Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah. You can dance, you can jive. Having the time of your life. Ooh see that girl, watch that scene. Dig in the dancing queen!"

Unbeknownst to them, the window was rolled down and the car next to them just watched and listened to 4 grown men belt out the chorus of a song. Michael stops as he hears laughter and looks next to him. Realizing the window was down, he quickly rolled it up and sped off as the light turned green. Everyone else cleared their throats and pretended as if nothing happened. They made a left into the parking lot of the store as Jack checked their watch. 

"It's about time. What, did you guys get lost?"

"Shut up. We're here now." Gavin mumbled.

"Let's stick to all black, make sure you have a mask of some sort and you don't have anything that can be easily identifiable." Ryan said.

They turned to walk into the store to prepare for their robberies.

* * *

 

*cue shopping montage*

 

*end shopping montage*

* * *

They walked out of the store looking like a million bucks (if money could wear black, that is).

"Now here's the rest of what's going to be going down: We'll be attacking at the same time. Jack and Matt, I'll send you a message when it's time to strike. Getaway drivers are responsible for making sure that the cars are ready to go and are ready to provide cover fire if needed. We aren't going to be killing any clerks. We intimidate them to open the registers, get the money and get out. We'll discard our disguises if necessary and lose the cops. Once they've lost the scent, we'll be regrouping at the pier. Everyone okay with this?"

"Yeah, it's just weird hearing you say that we aren't allowed to kill."

"I'm on a murder break." Ryan said monotonously. "If no one has anything else to say, let's start driving." 

Each team got into their cars. As usual, Team One pulled off immediately, leaving Team Two in the parking lot. 

"Okay Gavin, it's almost showtime. I'm gonna really need you to not fuck this up. If you don't think you can handle this, let me know now and I'll go in with you instead." Ryan said, almost sarcastically.

"You know what? That sounds like a better idea."

"What?! That was quick, you fucking traitor. So much for Team Nice Dynamite, huh?"

"Micoo, it's not that. I'm just scared of you shooting me." 

"WHAT?" Michael nearly crashed the car.

"You think I'm more likely to shoot you than Ryan? You do remember what happened to the delivery guy, right?"

"Everyone in this car would shoot you in a heartbeat, Gavin. Let's be honest." Ray said.

 

 

 


	4. It's Go! Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team One and Team Two (still haven't come up with names for their own teams yet) arrive at their respective supermarkets. After Ryan gives the signal, the two teams begin the robberies. Things go left immediately and it's up to Ryan to keep his team together and alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ahem* Hi everyone, it's me again. It's been a while, I know. Work has been really crazy for me and I haven't had a chance to write since I'm there until about 10 PM every day and when I do have free time, it's spent sleeping. Nonetheless, I felt like I really left the story on a cliffhanger. I hope you guys enjoy this part and all of the future ones to come. :)  
> \- Kate

Gavin folded his arms across his chest and diverted his eyes towards the window.

"You guys suck."

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. The silence seemed to last forever before it was broken. Michael pulled into the parking lot and Ryan began to say something.

"Alright everyone, this it it. Let's do a quick review of the plans since there's been a change. Gavin and I will be going in together, Michael and Ray will be the backup and getaway. Everyone okay with that?"

The team let out unenthusiastic yeses and yups. Ryan sighed. 

"We are going to die." He said to himself.

Ryan pulled out his phone and called Jack.

"Are you there?"

"We've been here for 10 minutes, Ryan. What happened to you guys?"

"There was some slight dissension among the ranks. Look look, it doesn't matter. Get into position and wait for my cue."

"Yeah, whatever." Jack hung up.

"Yeah, we're all going to die." Ryan said to himself again.

He prepped the message to send to Jack before pulling out his gun and reloading it. He looked over his shoulder at Gavin.

"Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"I'll take that as a no."

He pressed send before him and Gavin exited the car.

* * *

 

Ray moved up to the passenger seat next to Michael.

"Are you as nervous as I am?" Ray said, already having his gun drawn.

"A little bit. I think he should be okay though. I mean, it _IS_ Ryan."

"Still, it _IS_  Gavin."

Michael looked up as if a light bulb went off over his head. "This is also true."

He reached into his pocket and reloaded his gun. "Just in case."

* * *

 

Gavin and Ryan walked into the store. Ryan nodded and they walked over to the registers. Ryan pulled out his gun and aimed it at the cashier, Gavin followed suit...except he dropped his gun immediately after pulling it out.

"Damn it!"

Ryan lost focus.

"Are you kidding me right now? We don't have time for this!"

As he was yelling at Gavin, the cashier pulled out a shotgun and began to open fire. 

"Oh!" Gavin screamed.

"Get down!" Ryan yelled. Gavin leaped over a chip rack as Ryan let out a single shot. The cashier fell to the ground. 

"It's okay, you can come out now." Ryan said as he jumped over the counter to the registers. 

Gavin solemnly crept out of his hiding spot and opened the other register next to Ryan. The two quickly exited the store and ran to the car. They jumped in and Michael peeled off. 

"ETA until the cops are on us?" Michael asked, weaving through traffic.

"Probably less than 2 minutes."

* * *

 

Jack and Lindsay walked into their store and drew their guns. 

"Open the registers and hand over the cash, now!" Lindsay yelled.

The cashier slowly began to empty the register into a bag.

Jack let out a single shot into cigarette display a few inches to the right of him. 

"We don't have all day." 

Lindsay aimed her gun directly at him.

"The next one's for you. Empty the register."

The cashier was obviously shaken as he quickly loaded the rest of the register with haste. He tossed the bag at their feet before cowering under the counter. 

"Please, take it. Just don't kill me!"

Jack grabbed the bag before running out with Lindsay. The two of them got into the car and Jeremy pulled off.

"That was amazing! How do you think Ryan is doing right now?"

* * *

 

Sirens began to blare behind them as the police began to gain speed on them. 

Ray looked behind them and counted the cars. 

"How many do you see?" Michael asked.

"Only 2 but reinforcements might come in once I deal with this. Get to the underpass and we can lose them there."

Ray rolled down the car window and leaned out of it, his gun drawn. He began to fire at the tires to the cars. With ease, the tires from the first car blew and crashed into the second one, narrowly avoiding civilians.

"We're clear for now, just get us into cover."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A side note that both robberies were happening simultaneously, not separately. I split it up since we haven't heard anything from Lindsay, Matt or Jeremy yet so this was their time to shine.


	5. Regrouping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team One (Ryan This Is All Your Fault) and Team Two (Testostestrogen) regroup at the pier. The two teams figure out what their next plan of actions are as day one of Ryan being in charge comes to a close.

"I'm working on it."

Michael continued to weave through traffic and drove towards the underpass.

"Pull over to the side there and we should be fine."

"Pull over? Why would we pull over?"

"We lost the cops ages ago. This is just a stall for time. Trust me on this."

"Alright, you're the boss after all." Michael sighed as he pulled over to the side. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Reinforcements never showed up. Michael pulled back off and continued driving towards the pier.

"Well boys, we did it. I don't know how but we did it."

"You're with the best, that's how."

"Come on, you've got to have faith in us."

Ryan took a quick glance behind him as he realized someone was missing from the conversation. Gavin was sitting with a forlorn expression on his face as he leaned against the car window. Ryan wanted to bring some thing up but he avoided it altogether. Michael and Ray's conversation filled the car as Ryan went into a deep thought. Just then, the pier came into view. Michael pulled up next to Jack's car.

"What the hell took you guys so long?" Jack asked as the crew jumped out of the car.

"We ran into some slight problems.."

"But we were able to deal with everything, we're fine now."

Jack observed everyone's faces.

"If you say so. No one looks like they were injured and everyone's still alive so I guess you guys are good after all." 

"Now that that's done, let's head back and count what we've got."

The teams divided back into their cars. Ryan pulled Gavin's shoulder before he could get back into the car.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just a little disappointed and quite frankly shaken up with how we almost died back there. I'm sorry for putting you in that situation, Ryan."

"Oh, that's okay. I've always got your back, remember that. Don't beat yourself up too bad about what happened."

Gavin nodded and they got into the car and followed Jack back to the apartment. They gathered in the living room.

"Where are we going to count this at? Ryan broke the table remember?"

Everyone looked down at the shattered table before turning to Ryan for an answer.

"Give me those empty pizza boxes, goddamn it."

Ryan formed a makeshift table from the 6 pizza boxes and emptied the shopping bags full of money on top of it. The total came up to $2,978 which was then divided 9 ways, leaving each participant with approximately $330. 

"Not bad. I thought we would've done worse." Michael said.

"Looks like I'm going to the Vanilla Unicorn tonight." Ray said, flipping through the money.

"Ew."

"Unfortunately, there will be no strip clubs tonight." Ryan interjected.

"Aw man.."

"For now, we should lay low and plan our next moves. For now, let's discuss team names."

"Oh! We talked about this in the car; we are Testostrogen. It's a portmanteau of testosterone and estrogen. There's two women and two men on this team."

Ryan nodded in agreement. 

"That's...actually really clever of you guys."

Ryan turned his attention to his team.

"What's our name?" He asked excitedly.

"Ryan This Is All Your Fault."

He frowned. "That's not as clever but okay. Next up, we're going to do another robbery. Based on that, that will tell me if we should do a bank or continue target practice. Everyone okay with this?"

Everyone murmured collective yeses and yeps. Ryan bowed his head and rubbed his forehead.

"I am truly in for the worst..."

 

 


End file.
